Oh My ‘Canned’ Guava!

Make no mistake. When I talk about a ‘guava’, not only am I referring to the corporeal fruit of the same name, but also to all of the humourous connotations associated with Eve’s forbidden fruit. Thus, when I came across this gem of a picture, I could not resist the urge to create a post about it.

Canned Guava

As if guava’s cut in half are not descriptive enough, just imagine the kind of conversations or ‘Oh My Guava’ moments that could be brought about with this fantastically divine image of ‘canned guava’! Yum!

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

 

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Wordy Wednesday: ‘Vocab101’

Vocab101 Emblem For those who do not know, Vocab101 is my daily attempt to find a new and interesting word which could potentially be used in everyday circumstances. The words I find range from the obscene, to the unbelievably true (which are hyperlinked in blue) and, of course, the colloquial. Thus, Hans’ Milieu now has a ‘Wordy Wednesday’.

Each Hans’ Milieu edition of Vocab101 will take place on Wordy Wednesdays and will contain all the words I have tweeted over the course of one week from the previous Vocab101 session (7 days, 7 new words). Furthermore, each Hans’ Milieu edition of Vocab101 will contain additional new words which did not make the original cut, but are just as tantalising/disturbing!

Vocab101:

  • Gymnophoria The word used to describe the sensation that someone is mentally undressing you.

  • Pisshap – A mishap which generally involves the mass consumption of alcohol and an unfortunate misdirection of urine.

  • Autotonsorialist – Someone who cuts his/her own hair without the aid of another individual.

  • Laatlammetjie – An Afrikaans word that loosely translates as ‘late lamb’.  It is a word that is often used to describe those unexpected and unplanned bundles of joy, which are gifted to couples that are often past their child rearing prime.

  • Dactylonomy – The act of counting on or using one’s fingers.

  • Bandgasm – An orgasmic like feeling brought on by a magnificent musical moment. Similar to a Flavourgasm, but brought on by music instead of food.

  • Snart – When a person uncontrollably sneezes and farts at the same time.

Vocab101-isms which missed the cut:

  • Grundle – The spot between ones scrotum, or vagina, and the anus.

  • Mulligrubs – A state of depression or low spirits which results in the act of sulking.

 

I do hope that you enjoyed this edition of Vocab101 and that you will return for some more Vocab101-isms in the near future… but wait, there is more!

Adam Jacot de BoinodLast week an author known as Adam Jacot de Boinod stumbled upon Hans’ Milieu and discovered my Wordy Wednesday: ‘Vocab101’ posts. Coincidentally, Adam also has a penchant for excavating and using extraordinary words:

Adam Jacot de Boinod, hunter of perfect and obscure bon mots, is a true linguistic bowerbird (a person who collects an astonishing array of – sometimes useless – objects). He trawled the languages of the world for exotic specimens in his bestselling book The Meaning of Tingo and hit follow-up Toujours Tingo and has now turned his attention to his mother tongue in The Wonder of Whiffling.

Knowing that we both have an uncanny affinity for obtuse and entertaining words, Adam introduced himself to me and his current work in progress, The Wonder of Whiffling:

The Wonder of Whiffling is a tour of English around the globe (with fine coinages from our English-speaking cousins across the pond, Down Under and elsewhere).

Discover all sorts of words you’ve always wished existed but never knew, such as fornale, to spend one’s money before it has been earned; cagg, a solemn vow or resolution not to get drunk for a certain time; and petrichor, the pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a dry spell.

Discover why it is you wouldn’t want to have dinner with a vice admiral of the narrow seas, why Jacobites toasted the little gentleman in black velvet, and why a Nottingham Goodnight is better than one from anywhere else.

 

The Wonder of Whiffling will be available from Tuesday 24th September 2009 from both Amazon (UK) and Amazon (USA). I, personally, cannot wait to get a hold of a copy of Adam’s new book and I hope that the fiendishly verbomanic among you will do the same!

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

 

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Wordy Wednesday: ‘Vocab101'

Vocab1018x61_thumb141_thumb2[1] For those who do not know, Vocab101 is my daily attempt to find a new and interesting word which could potentially be used in everyday circumstances. The words I find range from the obscene, to the unbelievably true and, of course, the colloquial. Thus, Hans’ Milieu now has a ‘Wordy Wednesday’.

Each Hans’ Milieu edition of Vocab101 will take place on Wordy Wednesdays and will contain all the words I have tweeted over the course of one week from the previous Vocab101 session (7 days, 7 new words). Furthermore, each Hans’ Milieu edition of Vocab101 will contain additional new words which did not make the original cut, but are just as tantalising/disturbing!

Vocab101:

  • McShame – The emotion felt while eating a super sized fast food value meal, alone in your car, before leaving the parking lot.
  • Bitchnut - When a guy acts like he’s PMS-ing through being bitchy and whiny.
  • Carbicide - The act of not eating any carbohydrates thus disallowing any ‘carbs’ from entering your body. Essentially carbohydrate suicide!
  • Urbtard - Someone who cannot spell, often omits vowels (eg: ‘lk’ instead of ‘look’) & usually uses the wrong words to convey meaning (eg: ‘there’ instead if ‘their’). Most children born in the 90’s and onwards are considered Urbtards.
  • Manscape - When a man trims & shapes the hair on his body, instead of removing it completely.
  • Eyemuff – Similar to an earmuff, but used to cover the eyes and prevent the viewing of unsuitable material.
  • Schnarf - To spray one’s drink out of one’s nose as the result of sudden laughter. Also known as the colloquial expression for ‘cocaine’.

Vocab101-isms which missed the cut:

  • Minge - Loose, shaggy vaginal pubic hair, that is not neatly trimmed, and may be somewhat fragranced.

  • Mangina – When a man pulls his penis and scrotum back between his legs (forming a basket of fruit behind him), and then proceeding to put his legs together,  to simulate the look of a woman’s vagina from the front.

I do hope that you enjoyed the first edition of Vocab101 and that you will return for some more Vocab101-isms in the near future.

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

 

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Spray on ‘Vaginal Nano Condom’… Say what?

Okay, I have become addicted to Twitter. I believe it is a fantastic way to help aid in my constant quest for knowledge, perhaps of the useless and nonsensical variety, but not always, which, you have to admit, is usually of the best kind. As truth be told, I am a shameless social media whore… and I love it!

Through the people I follow and those who follow me, I have been introduced to a multitude of social and new media websites which I never knew existed. Furthermore, these website may have a direct correlation to my future studies within the field of communication. Thus, I am thankful that a service like Twitter exists, even if only to bring a smile to my face, courtesy of, for example, Darth Vader.

Over the course of the last few days I have come across a lot of great information. Information I care to share with others and which I do through both Twitter and Facebook. However, I would also like to share the same kind of information with you, the Milieu Pal. My dilemma, however, is how to do this without my blog turning into just another one of those which regurgitates information from the web. Then again… should that not be alright? After all I would be writing about that which has caught my interest. I have thought about doing a weekly post entitled “A week in Links” but that may prove ineffective for the media savvy among you, as well as potentially tedious for yours truly *fondly reminisces back to the days of Music Monday (I reckon I will be bringing this back), Tabloid Tuesday and Freakology Friday (Almost brought this back for this post, since today is Friday and the topic rather relevant)*! I am currently undecided as to what to do. When I eventually figure it out, you will be the first to know. Now on to the reason for this post!

BioCROSS Medical - Vaginal Foam Condom Just imagine this. You are with your girlfriend, everything is going as planned. You have let her dine on chocolate, strawberries, whatever gets her on, and have enjoyed a half a bottle of Champaign, all the while being serenaded by Barry Manilow’s seductive voice. You know the time is right, so you whisper softly into her ear “I’m going to fill you up, like never before, with my Silver Nano-Particle foam”. Say what?!

BlueCROSS Bio Medical is a Chinese corporation who have developed a ‘nano particle foam condom’. All you have to do is squirt the stuff into your nearest vagina, until full and foaming at the lips, and presto… you are good to go! Apparently once the foam has been squirted into the vagina “it forms a physical membrane preventing conception and protecting against infection” (H-Plus, 2009). Furthermore, the spray is said to use a “polyvinyl alcohol resin as its base material, infused with nano-silver, providing both a spermicide and antiseptic lubricant that helps prevents sexually transmitted diseases” (H-Plus, 2009).

So what do you think? Are you ready for the next step in the evolution of contraceptives? Only time will tell if this method of contraception is effective. Hopefully it is otherwise, as you read this, I would imagine that several thousand unplanned Chinese pregnancies are underway.

[via Crunchgear, via H-Plus, via BioCross Medical]

Until the next time Milieu Pals!
 
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Oh My 'Slot-Like' Guava!

Today I was on the beach with cousin of mine and, for whatever reason, our topic of discussion turned to sex, as it always inevitably does. Well… my conversations always seem to end up on that ‘taboo’ topic regardless of who I am talking to. Heh heh!

Today we decided to take some chairs and sit on them near the shoreline, just close enough so that our feet could get tasted by the ocean. With the wind in our hair and the sea at our feet, we began to ramble on about life, love, the universe… you know, general nonsensical stuff. Then, out of the blue, as if we never expected it, a swell pushed a larger-than-anticipated wave toward us. Our nether regions got wet… oh so very wet (not like that you perve… although that is an interesting topic… look out for the ‘Oh My ‘Wet’ Guava’ post, coming soon)! So I, for some odd reason, immediately exclaim "Ah… my ‘johnson’ got wet and is now full of sand" to which my cousin retorted "Your ‘thingy’ only has one hole, ours is like a slot… it starts from the top and goes all the way back to the bottom… sand is the least of your problems". After laughing ecstatically for a few moments and recovering from the freak wave, the conversation continued.

Out of nowhere my cousin asks "So, has anyone played with your chocolate starfish"? After the initial shock of her question I sarcastically replied "Oh yes, that is what every straight guy dreams of". I then proceeded with "Maybe you should give it a try sometime. That way you won’t fall pregnant and it might satisfy that ‘tingling’ feeling in your ass that you get when you look at guys you like". She giggled at that and then we, fondly, reminisced about what a cousin of ours usually says happens to him when he gets scared – simply put… his ‘bum goes in’!

Just another ordinary OMG (Oh My Guava) day.

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