Oh My ‘Canned’ Guava!

Make no mistake. When I talk about a ‘guava’, not only am I referring to the corporeal fruit of the same name, but also to all of the humourous connotations associated with Eve’s forbidden fruit. Thus, when I came across this gem of a picture, I could not resist the urge to create a post about it.

Canned Guava

As if guava’s cut in half are not descriptive enough, just imagine the kind of conversations or ‘Oh My Guava’ moments that could be brought about with this fantastically divine image of ‘canned guava’! Yum!

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

 

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Oh My 'Chocolate Starfish' Guava!

In the previous OMG post I mentioned the fabled ‘Chocolate Starfish’ and Z’s sudden curiosity with this taboo orifice. As it turns out, she just could not resist finding out some more information pertaining to this somewhat ‘erogenous’ zone. Thus, she proceeded to ‘wall message’, publicly and without tact, some cousins of mine, and hers, on Facebook about their experiences with this ‘bottom feeder’. Her OMG actions elicited the production of this post. 

In all honesty, I cannot see the appeal of inserting any kind of object into ones anus, with the exception of medicinal suppositories. However, even suppositories elicit a result akin to constipation and a sudden explosive build up of pressure which begs for the instant and projectile expulsion of the foreign object – not unlike diarrhoea. I actually have a friend who refuses to use suppositories in the conventional sense. Instead she takes them orally. She argues that it ends up in the same place anyway, so why not?! However, a few friends of mine believe that her recent bout of emergency room intestinal cramps are a direct cause of the oral ingestion of anal suppositories. So, how do you ‘administer’ suppositories?

As far as I am concerned, the anus is simply the expressway used to ‘drop the kids off at the pool’. No more, no less. Obviously, the old adage of ‘different strokes for different folks’ still holds true since I actually know a girl who can only achieve orgasm through anal penetration. A little strange, if you think about it, since the anus is allegedly the ‘male’ G-Spot.

Just another OMG day…

*Update*

Whoopsie! Turns out that the original picture I posted of someone’s tattooed ‘Chocolate Starfish’ was against the Spaces code of conduct and thus ‘Oh My Guava’ was suspended for a while – talk about an "OH MY GUAVA" moment. No worries though, since everything has been sorted and all mishaps forgiven. You live, you learn!

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Oh My 'Slot-Like' Guava!

Today I was on the beach with cousin of mine and, for whatever reason, our topic of discussion turned to sex, as it always inevitably does. Well… my conversations always seem to end up on that ‘taboo’ topic regardless of who I am talking to. Heh heh!

Today we decided to take some chairs and sit on them near the shoreline, just close enough so that our feet could get tasted by the ocean. With the wind in our hair and the sea at our feet, we began to ramble on about life, love, the universe… you know, general nonsensical stuff. Then, out of the blue, as if we never expected it, a swell pushed a larger-than-anticipated wave toward us. Our nether regions got wet… oh so very wet (not like that you perve… although that is an interesting topic… look out for the ‘Oh My ‘Wet’ Guava’ post, coming soon)! So I, for some odd reason, immediately exclaim "Ah… my ‘johnson’ got wet and is now full of sand" to which my cousin retorted "Your ‘thingy’ only has one hole, ours is like a slot… it starts from the top and goes all the way back to the bottom… sand is the least of your problems". After laughing ecstatically for a few moments and recovering from the freak wave, the conversation continued.

Out of nowhere my cousin asks "So, has anyone played with your chocolate starfish"? After the initial shock of her question I sarcastically replied "Oh yes, that is what every straight guy dreams of". I then proceeded with "Maybe you should give it a try sometime. That way you won’t fall pregnant and it might satisfy that ‘tingling’ feeling in your ass that you get when you look at guys you like". She giggled at that and then we, fondly, reminisced about what a cousin of ours usually says happens to him when he gets scared – simply put… his ‘bum goes in’!

Just another ordinary OMG (Oh My Guava) day.

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