MWEB’s Subtle Dig at Telkom’s Service

MWEB’s Subtle Dig at Telkom’s Service

For the last two years I have enjoyed Uncapped and Unshaped Internet from MWEB. The only downside is that our line rental is still held with Telkom – an aspect I am currently in the process of changing.

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Who is your Daddy?

Who is your Daddy?

Everyone knows of the infamous phrase: “I’ll be back”. It is one that is inextricably linked to Arnold Schwarzenegger and his portrayal of a cyborg assassin in the 1984 movie The Terminator. 

The thing about Arnold is that his acting skills have never really been very good.

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Business in the Front, Party in the Back!

Business in the Front, Party in the Back!

I hail from the small town of Benoni. The same prestigious little place that the gorgeous blonde bombshell’s Charlize Theron and Charlene Woodstock originate from. Of course, that is not all that Benoni is known for.

Other than Benoni’s landmark mine dumps and scenic lake-view vista’s, the small little town is renowned for people who religiously choose to continuously dress like they are stuck in an episode of MacGuyver.

Their most notable trademark? The “Benoni Pony” – also known as a ‘mullet’.

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An Optimist, Pessimist & Realist on the month of Love

Optimism vs Pessimism vs Realism

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Damn you, Autocorrect!

Damn Autocorrect

Anyone with a modern mobile device knows how much of a bane and a blessing the autocorrect feature can be when typing out text messages, emails, notes and so on.

Often the autocorrect feature will change perfect text, without rhyme or reason, and before you realise the error, you have already hit send.

These ‘corrections’ almost always result in a bevy of hilarious, if not mortifying, messages to friends, loved ones, strangers or colleagues.

Consequently, the Internet is a buzz with this latest meme.

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The science behind Optimism

Be unique, be an optimist.I often consider myself to be an eternal optimist. Someone who is able to see the ‘bright side’ of pretty much any situation. Within reason, of course.

Granted, this may not always be possible. To err is to be human after all. But it is important to me that I at least try to always remain positive.

So when I discovered the science behind why the glass is always full, I immediately felt that I needed to share it with all of you.

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Poodle Doodles

A new trend has emerged. That of turning your beloved canine friend into a mobile work of ‘art’. I use the term ‘art’ loosely here, of course.

Essentially people are cutting and dying the hair of poodles and other unfortunately fluffy dogs, to resemble other creatures, such as Panda’s, Pirates and Fairy’s. It is as crazy as it sounds and the results are just as mind numbingly hilarious.

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Schuks Tshabalala’s Guide to South Africa

Schuks Tshabalala’s Survival Guide to South AfricaLast night I had the privilege of attending the premiere of Leon Schuster’s latest film Schuks Tshabalala’s Survival Guide to South Africa.

Every South African knows of the legend that is Leon Schuster. He is our original prankster, made famous by his uniquely South African candid camera work. Although he may have departed from his original film tactics in recent productions such as Mr. Bones and Mama Jack, Schuks Tshabalala’s Survival Guide to South Africa sees Schuster return to his comedic roots.

Schuks Tshabalala’s Survival Guide to South Africa is pure Schuster. If you have enjoyed any of his previous candid camera focused movies, you will no doubt enjoy his latest foray into slapstick South African comedy.

The film attempts to weave each candid camera scenario into a larger background story, in this case a Mr Schuks Tshabalala offers a tour of South Africa to a group of poorly acted ‘foreigners’. However, all these slapstick interludes serve to do is annoyingly retract from the real comedic elements. Even though some of the lyrics to a few of the Highschool Musical inspired interludes were brilliantly tongue-in-cheek, they felt somewhat disconnected from the story as a whole. I would equate it to like watching a reality show on MTV which is split by music videos.

Although there were quite a few gems in terms of the candid camera work, the Helen Zille and Seapoint squatter camp scenario’s being among them, Schuster has not attempted to push the proverbial envelope in any way. Instead, each candid camera scenario is simply a rehash of something we have seen from him before: Golf Club scene? Check. Fooling rookie cops? Check. Scaring taxi drivers and occupants? Check, and so on and so forth. This is by no means a bad thing, after all, as the adage goes, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Even so, it feels like a missed opportunity for Schuster to push the boundaries in the same way he did in the 80s with You Must Be Joking.

Nevertheless, if you enjoy South African slapstick humour then Schuks Tshabalala’s Survival Guide to South Africa is not to be missed.

Verdict: 6/10.

The film opens nation wide on Friday the 28th of May 2010.

LEON SCHUSTER – SCHUKS TSHABALALAS SURVIVAL GUIDE TO SOUTH AFRICA 2010 /TRAILER

As is always the case with any Sterkinekor event, there were many delicious snacks and ample refreshments for all red carpet guests as well as numerous paparazzi. I have got to give it to Sterkinekor , they always make you feel like a star when visiting their ‘happy place’ during premiere events.

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

 

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Battle of the Bricks

Lego Any self respecting person has owned and built a Lego creation of some kind. Goodness knows that I own my fair share of Lego products, probably more than I would care to admit. Even now, at the tender age of 24, I still find myself browsing through the isles of Lego products available at any and all Toys R Us stores. In all honesty, and I am sure you will agree, Lego has no age limit.

This entry is focussed on stop-motion Lego filmography. A hobby which no doubt exists for people who really have nothing better to do with their time. Regardless, it really is very cool, especially when done properly.

Alex Kobbs is one of these stop-motion Lego fanatics. He has spent the last six years creating a Halo themed 25-minute short, based on Halo’s Zanzibar map, completely out of Lego. How awesomely insane is that?!

The short film is called The Battle of the Brick and features ‘Red’ and ‘Blue’ battling it out *Halo fan high five*. The completed video is expected to hit the Web in early 2010, but for now you can have a look at the tantalising trailer:

If  Lego stop-motion filmography is your thing, you can follow the progress of Kobbs’ work at the Kooberz Studio Blog.

That’s not all folks. I have one more fantastic piece of Lego filmography to share with you.

Every gamer and geek who has watched The Matrix will agree that it is one of the best science fiction and action movies of all time. However, you have not seen anything until you see The Matrix lovingly created in Lego stop-motion!

In honour of the 10th anniversary of The Matrix, a group of fans recreated nearly 900 frames of the film. The entire sequence is animated without any additional effects. What this means, is that the short was filmed ‘in camera’ without the aid of wire removal, Photoshop or any additional special effects; other than what can be created with the Lego blocks themselves. Very impressive stuff! The entire project is said to have taken around 440 hours to complete. For more information and additional videos detailing the projects immensity, check out www.LegoMatrix.com.

Lego Matrix – ‘Trinity, Help’!

How cool would a Lego Matrix game be?! *Waits patiently for Travellers Tales to scoop the rights to create the game*

Until the next ‘blocky’ post “Milieunairs”!

 

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Did the Soviet Army invent Breakdancing?

Other than the KGB, playing Russian Roulette, drinking copious amounts of Vodka and selling their women online *cough* Russian brides *cough*, it turns out that those Russians also know how to ‘spank those planks’.

 

Soviet Army invented Breakdancing?

 

I have got to give it to those soldiers. When you can move like that, who needs guns?

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

 

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Marge Simpson, quite the kinky cougar

Marge Simpson - Playboy Covergirl: November 2009 (TMZ.com)

It all started with this tweet:

“Marge Simpson has a surprise for her fans in the November issue of Playboy” ~ High Hefner

Back in August, courtesy of Twitter, Hugh Hefner hinted that everyone’s favourite blue haired cartoon character, the lovely Marge Simpson, may appear in the November issue of Playboy magazine. Today, TMZ broke the news that good old Marge will, in fact, be the cover girl of the November issue.

Marge, it appears, is quite the kinky cougar and will be ‘appearing’ in Playboy to celebrate the 20th Anniversary of the Simpsons. TMZ also reported that she will even have a three page spread in the magazine, where she will not only show off her “bangin bod” but also a variety of ultra sexy cartoon lingerie.

It is worth noting that there will be a ‘real-life’ human Playboy Playmate in the issue as well. Just in case ‘hentai’ is not a part of your forte. Doh!

Bear in mind that Marge Simpson is by no means a stranger when it comes to appearing in or on Magazines. Other than Playboy, she has also adorned the cover of Maxim magazine and was given a spread in Harper’s Bazaar, among others.

UPDATE: Check out the album for a myriad of photographs including the November 2009 Playboy spread featuring Marge Simpson herself (NSFW: Cartoon nipples)!

There is no doubt that Homer will be downing a keg of Duff beer in celebration of his wife’s achievement, whereas Bart will have to fend off his horny-short-eating friends, while Lisa runs a campaign to promote feminine empowerment. Maggie will no doubt suck her dummy while continuing to plan for world domination. Until then, let’s celebrate with Marge… by crumping!

Marge Simpson Crumping – Victory!

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

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Oh My ‘Canned’ Guava!

Make no mistake. When I talk about a ‘guava’, not only am I referring to the corporeal fruit of the same name, but also to all of the humourous connotations associated with Eve’s forbidden fruit. Thus, when I came across this gem of a picture, I could not resist the urge to create a post about it.

Canned Guava

As if guava’s cut in half are not descriptive enough, just imagine the kind of conversations or ‘Oh My Guava’ moments that could be brought about with this fantastically divine image of ‘canned guava’! Yum!

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

 

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Pa-pa-pa-pap en Vleis…

International readers may be looking at this post’s title and wondering:

“What the hell is ‘pap en vleis’”?

Every South African, and it is not a hyperbole when I write that every single one of us, knows exactly what ‘pap en vleis’ is.

‘Pap en vleis’ is a truly South African dish, one that is deeply imbedded in our history.

According to South Africa Tours and Travel (2009), throughout South African history, from the time of the native  ‘Khoi’ and ‘San’ people, through to the ‘Great Trek’ and ‘Anglo/Boer War’, ‘pap en vleis’ was a staple and customary dish. This was primarily in part to the fact that settlers at the time were constantly on the move, along with their nomadic and native counterparts.

Subsequently, very few provisions, all none perishables, were taken when moving from one location to the next. One of these primary imperishable’s was ‘pap’, also known as ‘maize meal’. The ‘vleis’ (meat) on the other hand, was often sourced directly from cattle or native game. Innovatively, gathered meat, a perishable, was made imperishable by being cured, dried and cut into slices to be enjoyed at a later time. Today, this is known as ‘Biltong’; the life blood of a true South African!

‘Pap en vleis’ is often served with gravy and ‘boerewors’, a South African made sausage, during a ‘braai’, the South African variant for the term barbeque (‘Pap en Vleis’ picture courtesy of Giuseppe de Filippis).

In mock-honour of our South African heritage, the primarily Afrikaans radio station, Jacaranda 94.2, created a parody of Lady Gaga’s “Pokerface” tentatively known as Tannie Gogga’s “Pap en Vleis”. I was thinking about saving this little gem for the next Music Monday post, but decided to share it with everyone now. Especially after writing up that whole history lesson above.

So, without further ado, I present to you: Tannie Gogga’s “Pap en Vleis”.

Parody of Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ -> Tannie Gogga with ‘Pap en Vleis’!

For those who can read or understand Afrikaans, I have also included the lyrics to the song in this post.  Simply scroll down, past my Milieu sign off, and hit the link labelled “Read the rest of this entry“.

I hope you have all enjoyed this small taste of South African humour… Well, those of you who can understand it, that is!

Until the next time “Milieunairs”!

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A soap opera life… “Restless Young Lives”

Hey Milieu Pals,

Have you ever felt like your life was playing out like an episode of a soap opera/television series? I cannot tell you how many times I have felt or thought this way. With this statement in mind, it is safe to assume that writers, particularly for television shows, must imbue certain aspects of their personal lives into the stories which they tell.

Although Hans’ Milieu is supposed to offer some insight into the mind and life of yours truly (Hans Haupt), why should it not also be a gateway into the lives of those who play a part in shaping Hans’ Milieu? Thus, without further ado, I present to you, the very first episode of the delightfully fictional: Restless Young Lives (RYL).

Restless Young Lives

Penelope "Penny" Diaz (Dee-Az) is a twenty-something necklace lover who is a humble store clerk by day, with co-workers Germ and Pain, and a religious atheist by nightfall. She insists that she knows how to drive, arguably most women do, yet has failed, on more than three occasions, to obtain a grade higher than her ‘Learners’. Never-the-less, Penny is a resilient young woman who insists that life always hands her the short end of the stick. In actuality, all the sticks are there, Penny just keeps picking the one with the shortest end.

To make up for her perpetually short ‘stick ended’ life, and to especially prove the ‘higher powers’ that all is not lost, Penny is on a mission to find Love. Unbeknownst to Penny, Love is, rather unfortunately, holidaying in the Maldives. As fate would have it Penny did not receive Love’s telegram, courtesy of the South African postal service.

Although some may now regard Penny’s search for Love as a futile endeavour, since Love is away, the universal truth remains: what one does not know, cannot figuratively hurt them. As luck would have it, Penny found two men, Rudd and Ian, both willing to help her find ‘love’. As a result Penny has resorted to ‘finding’ Love in the only way she knows how, by making it. If you think about it, it actually makes sense. Love was absent, so she made some ‘love’ to fill the void. However, since Penny has no inkling that Love is away and thoroughly enjoying a vigorously refreshing ‘Virgin Colada’ on some deserted beach, Penny is, in fact, just having sex. Just in case you were wondering, Ian is married and Rudd lives with Penny’s boss! The dilemma, you ask? Who will Penny ultimately pick to be the one, is Pain her real brother… and who the heck is Germ and what is his deal?

There is a lot more to tell Milieu Pals. I could not give away everything in the first episode, even though I would have loved to! Tune in again soon for the next episode of: Restless Young Lives, exclusive to Hans’ Milieu!

- Hans

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